we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
