this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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