he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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