you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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