If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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