a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
