She just used a chaser for red wine.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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