i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
