Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
