i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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