cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
