if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
