My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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