i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
