is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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