i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
