His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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