Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
