Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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