It was confusing and full of hummus
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
