last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
