Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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