he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im holly from the hills drunk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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