I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
