Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
