you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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