Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
