the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We need a shit load of segways right now
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
