im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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