So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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