When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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