Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
