Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
