I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I want to be your penis for a week.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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