The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
honey bunches of taint.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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