I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
