At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
