'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
