what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
