If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
