Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
