ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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