he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this will be a night to untag.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
