Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
