so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
