doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
