I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
