Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
