You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
