i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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