All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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