When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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