what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
