i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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