Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
